[Private] Journal Entry

[om_britannic]

I do not typically use journals in this manner, but I must air my thoughts somehow. Before I'd have shared them with Elizabeth; now I cannot, and I've no other confidantes here. Perhaps this is the problem.

I do not know where to go from here, where to turn next. I came here for my sister, but all I seem to do is upset her. She does not remember, perhaps, what it is like to only be half one person. She is her own person now, and I have not yet followed suit. Perhaps it is that difference that is leading to quarrels. I did help, at first. I know her well enough to know. Reminded her that I, at least, recognize her no matter the body. Reminded her that no matter the actions she took to remain with us, someone loves her unconditionally. I paved the way for her with our parents.

And now, all that done, I am no longer helpful. Worse, I am upsetting her. I cannot help her, no matter my desire to do so. Just as I could not help Jamie as they dragged him out, terrified and screaming. Super powers and age, I suppose, have not made me any better a brother.

I am paining my sister. I am paining Jeanne-Marie, even as she pains me. I do not know how much more of this I can take.

Perhaps I should return to England. Darkmoor has offered to relocate me and allow me to begin work while continuing my education. They've said, at the very least, I. Might come for a month or two for some specific experimental work. Maybe that would be best. To return home and either learn to be a whole person myself or learn how to better cope with only being one half.

I cannot leave until after our, my, birthday. We've planned to host a party together, and leaving prior would seem to her like a punishment or anger. It is neither, of course. She has done nothing wrong; the flaw clearly lies in me. In any case, I should revisit this thought closer to that date.

I no longer know what to do.

[Private] Journal Entry: Philip Coulson, 04/02/13

[om_agent]

Happy birthday to me. And if there's anything more useless out there than being seventeen, I don't know what that would be. It's strange, it was never anything more than Mom and Dad and me, but even with it not being a big deal, it's making me miss Dad more.

At least I finally heard something, even though it didn't tell me anything. I got a card from my grandparents, first word I've heard from them since the accident. I can't decide if I'm surprised by the enclosed or not. The note on the card saying that I'd left the license and credit card behind the last time I visited, that was a nice touch.

So they're leaving it up to me, I guess, go or stay. I know what they'd want me to do but I don't think I can do that, not unless I know that everyone here will be okay. Which isn't to say I won't make use of the gift, I've got some lessons to look into.

Email from Philip to Tessa

[om_sage]

From: Sage
To: Agent
Subject: Felicitations

Philip,

Happy birthday.

If you desire celebratory pastry, I would be happy to treat you. I have little to offer in the way of gifts, but I do possess a few salvaged items of Warsaw Pact manufacture deployed during the Soviet-Afghan conflict that might be of interest.

Regards,

Sage