Email to Eames

[om_quicksilver]

To: Eames, Honey
From: Maximoff, Pietro
Subject: Cranky Bitch

I just had to stop myself posting a journal entry saying that I thought it was fucking weird of Xavier to address his announcements to "Children". I mean, we are, technically, but especially considering the nature of that announcement, how long is that really gonna last? Now might be a good time to let us try sitting at the big kids' table, before shit gets real. Patronising weirdo.

... I'm just being a cranky bitch, though, right?

-P

Comments

[om_shade]

To: Maximoff, Pietro
From: Eames
Subject: RE: Cranky Bitch

Whenever I see the guy I have this distinct feeling that his goal in life is to be everyone's benevolent grandfather. Right now he's a shade too young, comes off a bit creepy uncle when he tries too hard, but one day those dulcet tones will sooth children to bed with bedtime stories about how the US Government won't be coming to hunt them down while they sleep, and Grandpa will keep them safe with his stealth mind-reading powers.

I haven't been a child for a very long time but it's sweet of someone to wish it.

You know what I want to know? what the hell these plans for desperate measures are? I want to ask, and at the same time I don't, because what the hell. Everyone bitches about those of us who can pass, who can hide, but fuck if I don't plan on doing just that if shit goes crazy in your country. You work with what you've got. If they think this is going to escalate, I'm leaving it to the "children" that can blow shite up.

Until that time, now is a really bad time to get the soundtrack to Tommy stuck in my head. HELP. I need better music. I'm creeping myself out.

-E

[om_quicksilver]

To: Eames, Honey
From: Maximoff, Pietro
Subject: RE: Cranky Bitch

Best description of Xavier ever. Like to a T. I can't with that guy, seriously.

In re the backup plan, I honestly don't know. I do know he's not blowing smoke up our asses, though, because the old man said something similar to me the other day. You know, the day you had to sit on me to get me to sleep. As usual I have no specifics, but they're at least taking this shit seriously. Or one of them is, anyhow. Who fucking knows with Uncle Baldy.

Meanwhile Tessa's gathering data to predict the Apocalypse [I know you're reading this, girl] and I'm reading crackpot messageboards to help and it's doing my fucking brain in. I'm not gonna hide from these bastards, not while people like Victor can't, but I'll sure as hell make sure anyone who wants to can.

Somehow.

Fuck now I have Tommy in my head. And all I can think of are Who songs. Raaargh.

-P

PS: Don't underestimate your ability to blow shite up. You were made for mutant espionage.

[om_shade]

To: Maximoff, Pietro
From: Eames
Subject: RE: Cranky Bitch

Wait, Tessa wastes her time reading all of our internet communication? I should probably stop writing you pornographic love notes then.

I don't really have a burning desire to be a soldier. Maybe it's selfish, cowardly, many colourful adjectives but I never wanted the responsibility. I'm sorry if this makes you think less of me. Changing the world sounds a bit ambitious. Carving out a safe space in it is about all I'm up for.

But I'd fuck anyone up that tried to hurt you and hide the body?

-E

[om_quicksilver]

To: Eames, Honey
From: Maximoff, Pietro
Subject: RE: Cranky Bitch

It's okay, she'll just pull the porn out of my head eventually anyhow. Girl knows things she probably wishes she did not. [Or enjoys knowing. Tessa, I know you're kinda freaky (in the good way), don't even front.]

There is nothing in the world more important than taking care of yours. I'd be the last person to think less of anyone for it. I know I haven't said much outright, but You know how I've been about Wanda lately. Fuck the rest of the world.

'Cept you. I'd create and/or hide bodies for you any day, honey.

Anyhow you'd make a terrible soldier. A good spy, but a terrible soldier.

-P

[om_shade]

To: Maximoff, Pietro
From: Eames
Subject: RE: Cranky Bitch

Can we consider that a telepathic threesome if she's somehow involved?

I've room for you and your sister in my life henceforth. I just can't hide more than 3 or 4 people behind the ruffles of my skirt.

Ai, I don't follow direction very well outside of the bedroom, and even then I need incentive.

-E

[om_quicksilver]

To: Eames, Honey
From: Maximoff, Pietro
Subject: RE: Cranky Bitch

Will be v. amused to discover what Wanda thinks of hiding in the ruffles of your skirt. At least the company will be good.

Don't give me these telepathic threesome ideas or I might have to find ways to make them reality. Tessa can kill me with her pinkie, you know, so I don't wanna piss her off.

(It's okay, she already knows I think that's hot.)

Speaking of, yes, I am definitely more the "takes direction" type than you--but only from the right people. Though I like this idea of incentives. The CIA should consider it.

Infiltrate such-and-such government-organization and bring me this-and-that and choose one from this list of rewards:

-blow job in public restroom of your choice
-telepathic threesome
-light bondage scene--no more than one hour
-a new corset

Take out so-and-so in the process and choose two.

That's better than Get Smart any day.

-P

[om_shade]

To: Maximoff, Pietro
From: Eames
Subject: RE: Cranky Bitch

Mmm. Now there's a good thought. ;-)

[om_quicksilver]

To: Eames, Honey
From: Maximoff, Pietro
Subject: RE: Cranky Bitch

Yeah I magically feel less cranky now.

-P

[om_shade]

To: Maximoff, Pietro
From: Eames
Subject: RE: Cranky Bitch

I should have just responded with lurid imagery involving light bondage, huh?

[om_quicksilver]

To: Eames, Honey
From: Maximoff, Pietro
Subject: RE: Cranky Bitch

Nah, we always get there naturally.

As in always.

[om_shade]

To: Maximoff, Pietro
From: Eames
Subject: RE: Cranky Bitch

Life without you would be colorless and dull, love.

[om_quicksilver]

To: Eames, Honey
From: Maximoff, Pietro
Subject: RE: Cranky Bitch

Back atcha. Hearts in eyes.

[om_sage]

To: Maximoff, Pietro
CC: Eames, Theodore
Subject: RE: Cranky Bitch

I am not convinced either of you are prepared for the intensity of a telepathic threesome just yet. Fortunately, it appears that you have other diversions.

--Tessa

[om_quicksilver]

To: Tessa
CC: Eames, Honey
Subject: RE: Cranky Bitch

"Fortunately" is a good word.

Someday we'll be ready for the intensity. We'll just have to work really hard to get there. It's a tough job, but someone's gotta do it.

<3 P

PS: MUCH BETTER MOOD NOW.

[om_shade]

To: Tessa
CC: Maximoff, Pietro
Subject: RE: Cranky Bitch

Got to try everything once. ;-)